Of Grandpa Nick, Saturn and Coffee Grounds
This is going to be a difficult weekend for me. There has been much going through my head,
and there is much in terms of the feelings in my heart. One year ago this weekend was the last
weekend I would spend with my Grandpa Nick while he was alive on this
earth. I look back on it now as some of
the most tender moments of my life, but also some of the most difficult and
heart wrenching. My grandpa was one of
my dearest friends, he was my hero, in many ways he was my rock. I could describe my relationship with him in
every cliché way possible. I don’t think
I can really put in to words sufficient what he meant to me or even what I
meant to him. We had something special
and unique, indescribable, and the more I have thought about it, the more that
is okay with me. My relationship with my
Grandpa Nick is a pearl of great price that I can carry with me in my heart,
one that will be forever polished, and one that I really don’t have to share
with anyone else to the full extent simply by virtue of the fact that it’s not
possible. 
I miss him every day.
I miss seeing him. I miss hearing
his voice. I miss watching him eat. I miss watching him pray. I miss his off-color remarks. I miss his smile. I miss his overall love for life. I miss arguing with him. I miss that twinkle in his eye that told me
despite what he said, that he knew God was real, that he loved Him, and that
all was going to be right no matter what happened in this world or in the world
to come. Over the past few days, in
thinking about the coming week and what it has come to mean for me, I have felt
close to him. There are little reminders
each day of him. A year ago I wrote a
poem on his behalf that I read at his funeral.
It was a poignant writing that shared with my family and friends my
feelings about my Grandpa, and to some extent how the world would be without
him, for it is certainly a little different.
In the past several days, two thoughts have kept coming to
mind as I have reflected on the life of my Grandpa, and even more, my
relationship with him. You know what
those thoughts have been? They have been
thoughts of Saturn and coffee grounds.
Yes, those two things have been swirling around in my head a lot. It’s simply the result of seeing a picture
and smelling a smell. Saturn and coffee
grounds. For me, in the past few days,
this has equaled my Grandpa Nick. I have
just written a new poem. I have decided
that I want to share it here. It is
unique in its style. I even felt the
need to write in meter, and to stay true for the most part to a rhyming
scheme. The poem itself is a lot like my
relationship with my Grandpa. You have
to get close to it. You have to
experience it. You may even have to
reevaluate it to understand it. It is
beautiful in both its simplicity and in its complexity. Ultimately, it might not be fully understood
by other people. But in some ways, that
doesn’t really matter because what matters is that I understand it, and so does
Grandpa. Is that a little selfish of
me? Perhaps a little. I do hope you will take the time to read
it. You may have to read it more than
once. For me, it is a reflection on my
feelings of the past year. It is a
tribute to my Grandpa as I have experienced him not in life but in death. It is a tribute to my Grandpa as I have
experienced him not as a mortal but as an immortal. Perhaps in a couple of days I will post some
more detailed thoughts about where I intended to go as I wrote this. I think you will be surprised though at how
well it really is understood.
I love my Grandpa Nick.
That is how he is known to me.
Just Grandpa Nick. I miss
him. I long for him on most days. One blessing I do have though, is that never
has a day passed in my life, even to now, where I have not experienced
him. Enjoy.
Saturn and Coffee Grounds
Time passes through a series of motions,
Rotations on axis,
Changes of earth-bound varying seasons,
And even through absence,
The unwanted fulfillment of grievance.
Fainter with passing days,
Are familiar and common moments,
Bringing changes in ways,
Of life's meaning and wanting components,
The mem'ry though, it stays.
Pictures and stage play in remem'bring mind,
Feelings of longing heart,
Those common moments one again can find,
When searching for a part,
The permanent connection still aligned.
Saturn and coffee grounds,
Discovered by sight and smell unexpected,
Recalls the unheard sounds,
Of a voice once heard now undetected,
The spirit knows no bounds.
Time passes through a series of motions,
Rotation on axis,
Changes of earth-bound varying seasons,
Yet even through absence,
The connection through Heaven still deepens.
©Joshua D. Cooke
October 5, 2012
For Grandpa Nick
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