It's what the teens said
As I embarked on the beginnings of my career as a mental health and substance abuse counselor I had a pretty good idea about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to help. The long and short of it is that it didn't matter to me who my clients were as long as they were adults. No teenagers, and no children. I would leave that population to someone else. After hearing some of the experiences of my graduate school cohort members and co-workers during my internship site, I felt like my choice to work with only adults was reinforced.
Alas, opportunity knocked, and I had to answer the call. I was given the opportunity to run the adolescent program at my work site, and I jumped at the chance. I admit that my intentions were slightly selfish. Graduation was only months away, and I needed to have some beginnings of a way to support my family. At the same time, I dove into the position with plenty of ideas and grand intentions to make big changes. Bigger opportunities came still, and I left that position just a few months after taking it, but not before some amazing teenagers taught me some amazing life lessons. One teenagers words struck me very hard.
When I work with individuals regarding alcohol and drug use, I can't help but ask them what they are gaining from their use. What does it do for them? Sometimes I will even ask them why they use or drink. Sometimes the why doesn't make a difference and it doesn't matter. When it comes to teenagers though, I will ask anything to get them talking. It was this familiar line of questioning I was using with a group of about eight teenagers. I was hearing a lot of run of the mill answers about how good using felt, about how it was an escape, about how it gave them something to do, about how they just wanted to rebel, about how the experience was something new. Now, these are teenagers. You get them going and there tends to be a lot of cross talk and it gets loud. It was in this state of commotion that one young man slammed his hand down on the table to get everyone's attention. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is the gist of what he said.
Hold on a minute. Let's not kid ourselves. Do you want to know why we use drugs? Why we drink alcohol? Why we don't care if we are only 15, 16, or if we are a week away from 18 and have a chance to be in big trouble? Yeah, it's because we have nothing to do. But we have nothing to do because we have no purpose. We don't have family, we don't have religion, we haven't been taught to work, we have never been told no. Our parents are too busy being our friends, and when they are tired of us, they tell us we need to figure it out on our own. We "hang out" with our friends, meaning we walk around aimlessly because we don't know how to do anything else. We are bored with school because we get no attention. Our teachers pick out one to two "good kids" and then we are on our own. That's why we use drugs. We are all alone and we don't have a God to lead us."
Those were the unprovoked words of a 16 years old boy. I didn't have to say a word. Then the conversation shifted because every boy and girl in that room said they agreed with him. Every single one, and they didn't know what to do about it. Even the ones who told me in private they had no God, no religion, no spirituality, unequivocally agreed that when it came down to it, that's what they were missing.
I couldn't answer all of their questions. I couldn't state my values to them in ways that were to specific because nowadays that could get me in trouble. But it's something we seriously need to think about. In a world where truth has become nothing but what we make of it for ourselves, I get the sense this young man spoke a real truth. In a world where everything is relative this young man and this group of kids were crying out for someone to say to them, "Hey, this is the way it is, now go do right and go do good." In a world where parents are too afraid to lead their kids for fear of rebellion or to discipline them for fear of legal trouble, this young man was saying, I need more than a friend. In a world that is all about tests and assessments, this young man was saying teach me something. For real.
Drugs and alcohol are used for all sorts of reasons, from coping with the bad, to chasing a high that seems so good. These kids, they are just looking for purpose. Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, they are not going to find that purpose, whatever it is, on their own. They need guidance. They need to know that there is such thing as truth.
Let them have it.
Alas, opportunity knocked, and I had to answer the call. I was given the opportunity to run the adolescent program at my work site, and I jumped at the chance. I admit that my intentions were slightly selfish. Graduation was only months away, and I needed to have some beginnings of a way to support my family. At the same time, I dove into the position with plenty of ideas and grand intentions to make big changes. Bigger opportunities came still, and I left that position just a few months after taking it, but not before some amazing teenagers taught me some amazing life lessons. One teenagers words struck me very hard.
When I work with individuals regarding alcohol and drug use, I can't help but ask them what they are gaining from their use. What does it do for them? Sometimes I will even ask them why they use or drink. Sometimes the why doesn't make a difference and it doesn't matter. When it comes to teenagers though, I will ask anything to get them talking. It was this familiar line of questioning I was using with a group of about eight teenagers. I was hearing a lot of run of the mill answers about how good using felt, about how it was an escape, about how it gave them something to do, about how they just wanted to rebel, about how the experience was something new. Now, these are teenagers. You get them going and there tends to be a lot of cross talk and it gets loud. It was in this state of commotion that one young man slammed his hand down on the table to get everyone's attention. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is the gist of what he said.
Hold on a minute. Let's not kid ourselves. Do you want to know why we use drugs? Why we drink alcohol? Why we don't care if we are only 15, 16, or if we are a week away from 18 and have a chance to be in big trouble? Yeah, it's because we have nothing to do. But we have nothing to do because we have no purpose. We don't have family, we don't have religion, we haven't been taught to work, we have never been told no. Our parents are too busy being our friends, and when they are tired of us, they tell us we need to figure it out on our own. We "hang out" with our friends, meaning we walk around aimlessly because we don't know how to do anything else. We are bored with school because we get no attention. Our teachers pick out one to two "good kids" and then we are on our own. That's why we use drugs. We are all alone and we don't have a God to lead us."
Those were the unprovoked words of a 16 years old boy. I didn't have to say a word. Then the conversation shifted because every boy and girl in that room said they agreed with him. Every single one, and they didn't know what to do about it. Even the ones who told me in private they had no God, no religion, no spirituality, unequivocally agreed that when it came down to it, that's what they were missing.
I couldn't answer all of their questions. I couldn't state my values to them in ways that were to specific because nowadays that could get me in trouble. But it's something we seriously need to think about. In a world where truth has become nothing but what we make of it for ourselves, I get the sense this young man spoke a real truth. In a world where everything is relative this young man and this group of kids were crying out for someone to say to them, "Hey, this is the way it is, now go do right and go do good." In a world where parents are too afraid to lead their kids for fear of rebellion or to discipline them for fear of legal trouble, this young man was saying, I need more than a friend. In a world that is all about tests and assessments, this young man was saying teach me something. For real.
Drugs and alcohol are used for all sorts of reasons, from coping with the bad, to chasing a high that seems so good. These kids, they are just looking for purpose. Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, they are not going to find that purpose, whatever it is, on their own. They need guidance. They need to know that there is such thing as truth.
Let them have it.
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